Report to AloeVera 1.1

(General Direction)

October 2003 (*)

(From: Chairentity 7.12, AloeVeras base, the Moon.

To: Our Founder, AloeVera 1.1, Planet AloeVera)

Dear colleague and founder AloeVera 1.1 (general direction), (This is how the HairyMammals start their correspondence by the way).

Only myself and Number 11 are presently in our base on Earth's moon. Number 9 is accompanying Percy Vale and Fidget Waugh on their travels to do 'good works'. It's not clear yet exactly what the good works will entail. Fidget has converted a large beeping box called a van (or truck, they're never too clear how one is distinguished from the other). He has done an excellent job and it should be the most reliable truck of its age. When they got to a particularly difficult part of their journey Number 9 took over the driving! Another first for AloeVerakind.

Number 14 and Number 8 have departed on a mission to prevent asteroid collisions destroying the life on a distant planet. (The planet where we detected ticking boulders on our journey to Earth).

I recall how understanding you were when I tried to teach Number 14 to play chess. We executive types need to unwind, as you well know. Well I never did relate the whole story. In fact, Number 14 was apparently besotted by the appearance of the chess pieces. Having won the toss I made the first move and hit the clock (we were playing three hours each, as the hairy mammal professionals do).

'It's your move, Number 14,' I said.

Number 14 came over all emotional and its hormone pumps burst into life. It dashed off leaving me alone at the board. Bearing in mind that we each had only three hours for the whole game, it may surprise you to hear that Number 14 didn't return to the chess board for over three days. It had made separate costumes for every piece on the board. Each Queen was particularly elaborately attired, to such a degree that I was no longer able to distinguish my pieces from Number 14's.

'Queen's Garment Designed' Number 14 named the opening. It had already lost the game through elapsed time, of course, but didn't seem to mind.

Anyway, before Number 14 and Number 8 departed on their mission I asked Number 8 for a game. Now I had great hopes for this game because Number 8, being our bio-chemist, is much more sensible than its excitable colleagues. (Not counting myself, you understand).

Number 8 studied the rules and appeared punctually for our game. It won the toss and spent a couple of minutes apparently contemplating its first move. It then excused itself and went to its lab, returning after a few minutes assisted by its service robot, carrying a great clutter of scientific and analytical equipment. They performed all manner of tests on the chess pieces.

Number 8 pronounced its King dead and conceded the game. I fear it is spending so much time studying biological organisms that it is in danger of becoming one.

Yours etc.,

AloeVera 7.12

(Chairentity of our mission to serve tea on remote worlds)

P.S. We haven't served any tea yet.

P.P.s. (*) The Hairy Mammals name this month October after octo - meaning eight - it is the tenth month of their year ...

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