Funny Short Stories
Skyelights - part 3
As soon as Skye had moved her belongings from the taxi to the flat she planned a shopping trip and meeting her new cyber-homeless pals. She'd refused a lift to the flat in the Roller, and her ma had felt both offended and relieved; this produced a previously untried configuration of her facial muscles and shattered her carefully applied makeup.
Skye changed into her most streetwise clobber (designer dungarees - $1400, and designer faded denim jacket - $600) and headed for Tescos via the Oxfam shop (3rd hand dungarees - £3 and 2nd hand donkey jacket - £2.50) and the public toilet (one changing cubicle - free).
'G.Zuss,' screamed Drainpipe. 'you shopped at Oxfam and you didn't haggle?! How are we supposed to bargain after you've been there?' His long arms flailed about as he snarled his irritation, causing alarm to the passing shoppers.
'Calm down, you overly vocal tit,' said Skye, in her most upper crust, West Coast accent.
Unaccustomed as he was to be addressed thus, he did calm down. He also shut his mouth while he figured out what 'overly vocal' might mean.
Then he opened it again.
'And you need a bath,' Skye added. 'Homeless doesn't equate with shower-less. I found a good one in the john.'
He shut it again.
'She means the bogs,' explained Urchin, who was beginning to feel manic and was leaning first this way, then that, his size twelve boots secured to the spot by nought but gravity and their immense weight.
'Precisely,' agreed Skye. 'By tomorrow, my poncy dungarees will be on the plane to my pal Helen in New York. She'll sell them and mail us the money. This will kit us out with some internet gear.
'Us?!' chorused Meredith and Urchin.
'Yes. I'm going to improve your hardware, software etc.'
Drainpipe opened his mouth, simultaneously wagging an accusing finger and Meredith kneed him in the testicles. He put the offending finger in his mouth and bit it until his eyes stopped watering.
'If you'd like?' asked Skye.
'Sure. Why not?' said Urchin.
'Yeah, that's right,' added Nervy.
Skye pondered for a while, gauging the mood of the group and if she was being too rushed - a familiar feeling for her.
'Urchin. Have you got any spare gear - PC and monitor - that I can make a start with? Any old junk will do,' asked Skye.
'Yep!'
'Sorry about the knee,' blushed Meredith, and Drainpipe executed yet another imitation of a goldfish as he wondered what she was blathering about.
He's already forgotten, thought Meredith, as she studied Drainpipe glaring at Skye. This must be love. Or possibly hate. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes ...