Funny Short Stories

Skyelights - part 5

At one with nature, thought Meredith. Bang in the middle of Wherewithal, but the sky is blue, it's practically quiet, and there's 200 allotments between me and the street. Or is it 400? I can't remember.

Even the birds seemed inclined to siesta since the weary, dried out feeling of late summer had insinuated itself into every crook and nanny.

Meredith, working under the shelter of a her huge straw hat, imagined her way into the roots of the plants she was tending.

Into the idyll burst Skye, at about 5 m.p.h., a cloud of dust trailing behind her.

'Listen up, Meredith ... ,' she began, as she turned the corner around the elderly apple tree and saw Meredith. Meredith looked up from planting green things with roots at one end and leaves at the other (such was Skye's perception) and rubbed her back.

'System restore - so any state that works is created as a backup,' Skye continued.

'You what?'

'I've brought a diagram,' said Skye, opening her rucksack. 'Several, in fact.'

'Wow,' said Meredith. She thought Skye's eyes were a shade bloodshot. Maybe one of her organically grown herbs was good for bloodshot eyes. . .

♥ ℑ ♥

Outside Tesco's the dust had puddled into the corners of the concrete steps.

The world feels cosy, quiet and small under its duvet of drizzle, thought Urchin. Peaceful.

Skye marched up the steps at a manic 6 m.p.h. 'Listen up, Urchin,' she said.

'Get your skates on, mate!' said Drainpipe.

'Volunteers to write documentation for non-engineers, rather than forums full of (literally) tens of millions of posts of disorganised ''community support,'' so-called,' Skye ranted.

'Show us the diagram, then,' said Urchin.

'Diagrams,' interjected Meredith.

'Yeah, that's right,' added Nervy. And it was.

'By the way,' said Drainpipe. 'Microsoft have stopped security updates for Windows 98. We only bought our copy eighteen months ago.'

Skye made a note.

'Does her eyelid usually twitch like that?' asked Urchin.

♥ ℑ ♥

It was early Saturday morning, before the traffic had really progressed beyond a gentle grumble, and Skye fairly jogged onto the zebra crossing at 7 m.p.h.

Visibility good, pavement dry - ideal conditions for getting things done, she thought. She turned briefly to her left to mutter ''thieves'' at Piranha & Frenzi, Estate Agents (established 2006).

'That's the sky,' said Skye. 'Who are you?' for there was a face peering down at her. Just below the face Skye detected a vaguely uniformed style of clothing before her eyesight failed.

'I'm an ambulance-man. I'm advising you not to move your legs because it will hurt like hell.'

Well, you can't just take the word of a complete stranger, can you? They could be anyone. They might have a dubious, selfish motive for keeping you immobile.

'Holyshee-ee-ee-eeponahillside,' Skye screamed. 'It's more a case of foot than leg, you know.' She dabbed tears from her eyes, amazed to discover they could spurt forth so rapidly.

'Good observation, madam. If you don't move your legs, your left foot, which is broken, has a better chance of not moving either.'

He gave Skye a couple of seconds to register what he'd said before continuing.

'You'll be okay, but the break is complicated and we'll have to stretcher you into the ambulance.'

'Right,' said Skye. I've got a million things to do, she thought. 'Are you going to inject painkiller into my foot, kind sir?' she asked.

'We already have, madam. After it worked, you woke up.'

'Right,' said Skye. 'Thanks.' So it's worked, has it?!

Suddenly, she noticed her pulse racing, she felt decidedly slimmer than, say, three weeks ago, and there was a ringing noise in her ears. She had the awful feeling that she'd probably been like this for ages. Again . . .

'Didn't you see the courier on the bicycle?' asked the ambulanceman.