Dog Training

‘It’ll change your life,’ I was informed
The day that I acquired a dog.
‘Buy a super vacuum cleaner,
Pay the vet and start a blog!’

‘You’ll have to do dog-training classes!
Learn to sit; to fetch; say “Please.”’
We tried it once and it was boring
Except – my dog can count to three!

We started classes of our own
My dog and I, in our own home
The classes all were based on this -
‘Do as I say, then have a bone!’

‘P/E,’ said I (feeling a fool)
Every morn’ at half past eight
The high-jump, starting with a stool
Progressing to the garden gate

At ten we did arithmetic
The calendar was opened out
‘Pay attention little dog -
Weekends and holidays don’t count!’

In afternoons she’d learn to sit
With other people, till she’s fed
She wags her tail to gain their trust
Then she remembers all I’ve said.

The final lesson took a while
But finally she understood
‘Is it three days, not counting hols’?
Then come and meet me in the wood.’

I’ve sold her now a dozen times
And she’s had twelve enormous bones
She stays with them three working days
The cheque has cleared – then she runs home!