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Look and Learn
A day in the life of a 5 year old boy
Today I went to playschool. Soon i'll go to the big school.
I go with ma, ma's pal, and Eddy. Eddy is ma's pal's son.
Me and Eddy had fun hammering the bookcase, but the other kids won't join in.
My ma don't stay at playschool cos she don't like the other mums.
Eddy's mum don't stay neither.
When we got home, Uncle Grant came to see us.
Uncle Grant is very big. He has this huge deep voice.
Ma told him about some bossy cows at playschool.
I didn't see any cows there. I didn't see any cows on the way there.
We walked there on the pavement. No cows and no fields.
Uncle Grant says the cows are tossers. I asked him where the cows are.
Uncle Grant laughed in his deep voice. He said the women at playschool are tossers.
Are tossers a type of cow? I didn't ask in case I got laughed at in that big voice.
I said there's two men go to playschool, too.
Uncle Grant says they must be tossers. They should be at work.
I think Uncle Grant is a builder. He has huge hands. He looks very brown. He made a wall in our garden. He let me help and told me a lot about tossers.
Uncle Grant has a blue nose and red veins on his face. Ma says he likes his beer. I suppose the beer makes up for having a blue nose. If I had a blue nose i'd probably eat more chocolate and sweets so I was happy.
Me and Eddy were playing in the garden. We threw things over the fence cos the children next door wouldn't talk to us.
Ma told us to stop.
Ma is having a fag with her pal. They talk about money a lot.
Me and Eddy were using the swing as a drum kit. We hit it with plastic toys and it sounds great.
Ma tells us to stop or no sweets.
Ma tells us to play properly.
Eddy asked what she means.
Ma says just play.
We stop for a few minutes then get sweets.
Then we used the fence as a drum kit.
The woman next door is shouting.
Ma says to just play and be good.
We were playing. We must be good because we got sweets.
Every time we go to the supermarket we see Uncle Grant buying tins of beer. I wonder when he does his building.
Ma tells us to stop because the woman next door is complaining.
Uncle Grant says 'What the fork is she squawking about?'
He has a big voice.
He must know more than other people because he's always saying what tossers they are.
He never calls my mum a tosser, so she must know better too.
Uncle Grant has a fag with ma and her pal.
Ma tells us to go away while she has a fag. She tells us never to smoke.
I ask Uncle Grant about his building job.
He says there ain't no work nowadays. He says 'Bleep immigrants have taken all the forking jobs.'
ma shouts over the 'bleep' so me and Eddy can't hear.
Ma says she feels better when she has a fag.
I'd like to feel better.
Ma's pal agrees with her.
Uncle Grant calls ma's pal Sheila. I didn't know that was her name.
Uncle Grant nods when ma says about her fag.
He says tossers don't smoke because they are wimps. He has an even bigger voice now.
Me and Eddy are listening behind the blackberry bush.
Uncle Grant has a tin of beer which he says put hair on yer chest.
He must drink a lot of beer because he got hair every where. Except on his blue nose.
If my nose was blue i'd rather have hair on it so people couldn't see it was blue.
Our neighbour, the friendly one, says there are wonderful books for children in the library.
She says they have a special section for children.
My ma looks uncomfortable. She says I ent old enough to read.
The neighbour says they are books for the children to read. And more books for the parents to read to the children.
The neighbour asks if ma would like her to pick some up.
Ma shouts at me to stop hollering. I think she means running around the garden.
The neighbour asks if ma has any games for us to play. She means me and Eddy.
Just playing, says ma. That's what she tells us to do. Just go and play.
The neighbour asks if we've taken the dog for a walk.
She says 'There will be blackberries soon.'
I like blackberries. Mostly I like ice cream.
Ma says ice cream makes me shut up for five minutes.
The neighbour asks if her son, that's me, would like a little garden.
Ma says 'I ent got time!'
The neighbour says 'just a flower pot with a few lettuce?'
Ma says 'Not just now, thanks.'
Eddy has gone home with his ma.
With Sheila, probably.
I'm sitting on my own now, in the garden.
Ma will send me upstairs soon. Then she cooks the tea.
I don't want to be a wimp.
I don't want to be a tosser.
Most of all I don't want to be a forking tosser.
That makes Uncle Grant very loud.
Eddy said he'll never be a tosser.
Eddy bullies wimps at playschool.
When I grow up i'm going to be like uncle Grant.
But I don't want a blue nose.
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